i really like peanut butter. really do. have you had it with bread and it's toasted? go try it, fantastic. peanut butter tastes great. i was just eating it with a spoon right out of the bottle. of course, the bottle was completely mine i won't do that if it wasn't. my sister saw me and she said: are you thinking of something screwed? and i went: no, just enjoying peanut butter, got problem with that? and she replied: oh no, of course not, but you really look like you're thinking of something dirty when you eat peanut butter like that. to clarify, i wasn't. thinking of anything dirty.

i just love peanut butter.

but when she said that, i immediately remember *cough cough* the other uses for peanut butter. i'm not sure if i'm amused or extremely horrified. you go think what else it can be used for.

cripes. dinner.

and i just want to add something: that guy is still friking hot!
okay, i did that for fun. there is no guy i'm looking at right now. okay, i'm really nuts. must be the peanut butter. oohh... bad pun. whoops. on a real real high.

let's take over the world with peanut butter~! :)

when i was at NYC (national youth center) meeting for Youth Connect yesterday, i was feeling a little nationalistic. haha. yup, pretty much felt that the people there have a lot of strong views, especially since quite a number of them have studied overseas and experienced life there. i'm not extremely pro PAP though it may seem like it to some but i do have criticisms of some of the government policies for those who didn't know. i just felt that we should think before we complain or say anything about Singapore. after all, if we say that we don't have freedom here, think about what we may have to compromise for that. security and stability? (remember the responsibility of the media) it's hard to ask for total freedom because of the multi racialism and other factors. (think opportunity cost)

furthermore, freedom is becoming more and more open to us as an option. the government is opening up, though we do have to mindful of OB markers. all talk and no substance. if you really hate it so much or dislike a certain policy, there are channels for you to go through to properly air your views. if you are passionate enough about an issue, the tiresomeness of it all won't bother you much. it's all a matter of degree.

i'm not promoting Singapore but i guess i just want people to think about what we have got before comparing with other countries. there's much to be said about our little red dot. personally, i enjoy the stability, i enjoy the fact that we're not in much position to have major natural disasters, i enjoy the food. haha. perspective perhaps. and our co- chair, Darrell, was saying that we could build passion by having little merlions that actually spit water. and it got really corny and everything. okay, you had to be there to find it really funny.

okay, away from the nationalism. homework's piling up.

Essays/homework due
3 D trigo tutorial (tue)
Analyse lit poem for PC and Ariel (tue)
GP negative effects of media (wed)
Econs international trade DRQ (wed)
Econs international trade essay (thurs)
History paper 3 outline on nuclear weapons (thurs)
History new imperialism essay (18/2)
History seminar essay on national identity (18/2)
History seminar presentation on national identity (26/2)
History S paper essay/ presentation ( 10th week)

and this is together with my piano lessons, CNY week coming up, NYC meetings and guides. haha, hopefully i can handle everything. if i can't, okay... then i'll just go crying off somewhere.

you know... i realised that (though i think i knew a long time ago) that looks somehow don't really matter. perhaps they do right now to some, but it's true, looks fade. it's easier to say you don't care how a person looks like than to actually believe it. but somehow, some people are so charismatic that it really doesn't matter. you just can't help falling in love because they're charming and sweet and intelligent. haha. just insight, means nothing. really.

anyway, i was just feeling kinda happy today, probably because today was the first time i sat a double decked 55 to vj since school started this year. see, little things like that can make/break my day. and so i was there feeling all happy, (which is a real wonder for a monday) and Sonya looked at me suspiciously. she went: your little bout of happiness means you're going to go all moody in the next few days. perhaps. perhaps. haha.

i'm not sure what's with everything these days. especially thurs. i was just feeling so agitated. did i go straight home after history? i did. yeah. i did. like, suddenly i just could not wait to go home. what with the headache and everything, intensified by learning about Marxism. petty little things just irritated me. maybe it's the heat, whatever.

i'm really busy these days, trying to juggle my stuff. thing is, i know i chose to be busy with the seminars, the youth connect thing, the piano, the blah blah blah. but please, i didn't choose for them to be one after the other. spent most of today rushing from place to place, 4 places in fact, that weren't extremely close to each other. especially NUS to Yishun! saturdays and sundays become less of a rest day than weekdays. which is just sad. but hopefully i'll be able to manage everything and since most will be over by end feb, it should be ok.

i was just so tired before going to cell. but somehow, there was this sense of peace when i met up with my cg mates. and i just felt so relaxed during cell. the wonders of God. thank you for helping me feel what's important.

with CNY coming up, the busyness clogs up my time. i can't go shopping because i can't find a day when i'm free. oh well, we'll see. need to go wash my hair soon cos i can't be late for church, got ushering duty. JoP was asking: who likes hip hop? then some people raised their hand and then he said: okay, you're down for ushering duty. *sweatdrop* but in the end he just needed 4 of us down so i'm there.

see you peeps later. you can make me happy by compliments. money and gifts also gladly accepted. :) take care.

thought-provoking. only word that can adequately describe the reading of the purpose driven life. sometimes i just have to stop after reading just one page of a new chapter because it really hits home and you just need to stop and reflect. reading that book is fantastic if you're looking for a purpose, it'll help you with direction too. good stuff. especially with my As this year too, at least it'll help me iron out my priorities.

you know... i was simply too burned out today after piano to even go out with whomever was free. i didn't even bother to ask because i was just shagged. spent the last few hours reading seduction in death (which was not a kinky sex novel but a murder story) lazing on my bed, munching on a piece of french toast and sipping languidly on soya milk with Taufik's soulful voice setting the mood. not a perfect picture because the french toast while delicious could have been replaced by chocolates and the soya milk with the unopened bottle of sparkling red grape juice. nonetheless, still pretty perfect because it was time for myself.

life. you just have to learn to love it. i guess worries and stuff and all part and parcel of life. but we should try to enjoy it too and take joy in the little things that come our way. ever had soft flower petals brush your cheek? so soft, so sweet the fragrance, giving such a picture of sensuality and romance? maybe i'll get some flowers this V day from my friends. hmm... luxuries, but that makes life all the more worth living doesn't it? (oh yet again the materialism of it all but still)

still haven't gotten down to shopping for new year clothes. i have too much black.

do you know i've not been online in a really really long time? at least since my last post? oh well. 16th Jan! tiger cup against indonesia. fantastic atmosphere and well worth the money i paid to catch it with Keith and Krystle. i only wish we had brought food. okay, digressing but it was great. though it was a little strange having no commentator, Keith did the commentary sometimes. the referee seemed a little bias to me and i was pretty irritated by that. but we still won 2-1 with a 5-2 overall score. the Lions really are the champions. Lional Lewis was fantastic in defending... really good. Indra and Casmir scored the goals for this final match.

glad that Singaporeans were so supportive but i can't help but hope that Singaporeans will continue to support the Lions regardless of whether they're first or last. as Quek said, "they share the weal, but may not necessary share the woe." i know the tiger cup can't be compared to the world cup or EPL, but they're still the local team. so support them.

the rest of the week passed by with little incident except that i was happily counting down to the hari raya holiday.

spent thursday afternoon with Benita and she treated me to Cafe Cartel! thanks so much! bought the beryl's chocolates that i fell in love with after Natalie bought them for my sis for christmas.

spent morning and afternoon doing YA grad stuff and then went home so that we could all go to Conrad to celebrate my dad's birthday. let me tell you... the sea bass was good, the spring chicken was better and the beef melted in my mouth. the crayfish was really good too and the dessert rocked.

tired now. will continue when i next get a chance to come online.

lessons started proper today. quite annoyed by that because i spent most of the time trying to answer the questions posed to us by the teachers during tutorial but couldn't really contribute much because my mind was drifting off to sleep. i think i need more time to ease into the whole going back to school thing. unfortunately, with this being A level year, the teachers are hardly going to cut us some slack.

came home with more work added to the pile of work yet undone. NYC meeting ended late last night and i reached home at 930. so i only had time to finish my international trade tutorial and not the lit work. i hate prepping for lessons. plus, there's still the Maclaurin's left to do and the touch up for math. somehow i'm supposed to finish all those by around tonight.

the good thing is that i reached home at 345 in the midst of pouring rain. it was early enough for me to finally haul my lazy ass downstairs and to the gym to resume my not very frequent training. i used to run everyday last year from june but apparently that led to my sprained back muscles so i only run twice a week now. probably 3 times from now on including PE. really want to tone my upper arms but that's taking time. and all the training while good, doesn't seem to be enough for me to pass my 2.4. i guess i have to gradually work out, starting with my endurance to finish 2.4 and then on the speed. gym's going to be closed for 5 more days starting tmr so it's back to punggol park for me for the time being.

i sense in my posts a lack of hyperness, a lack of depressiveness, a slightly detached narration of my feelings and school life. i'm not sure, guess it depends on my mood. i won't say it's the maturing of my mind because i sure don't think that's the case but there's an air of finality surronding the things i do. certain things. good things will come to those who wait. you just have to know me more than what you see on the surface. after all, i'm both hyper and depressive at times, almost as if i'm on crack. guess what i'm trying to say is that right now... i just feel... like a stone.

oh man, the homework... i just can't bear to think of it nor start. (now that's emotion!) if you're looking for emotion, let's see... "I dream" fantastic song to make me extremely hyper. but i should stop mentioning it as people seem quite tired of me telling them to listen to it or die. just kidding about the die part though. i never said that. heehee.

PS2... good game to try is Prince of Persia. okay, so maybe i'm still in the midst of playing it but it's not bad. can't give you a rating but it's looking to be about 7.5 or as high as 8.5? my standard quite high. looks like i'll be taking a while with this game due to lack of time and the whole priority thing. plus, the fact that i'm still borrowing from my friend and my playing time is also subject to how free she is.

when i think back on the past, the days of old, i think of you and smile... i've found gold. thanks guys for making life what it is for me.

going to make it super quick before i rush off to NYC for my next workgroup meeting in which i'm not entirely clear on everyone's reports except my own. which somehow wasn't uploaded online so i can't read the comments to prep myself for questions that will be fielded to me today. oh well.

first week has started and gone. no lectures so for some days, like friday, we finished school at 0835. some days we ended at 1240 which just rocked. timetable's been kind to us more so this year and it's 225 for end of school most of the days. but somehow we've less lessons in t13 and more lessons in the V block 4 stories above the ground. hate climbing stairs.

what can i say about the first week except i've been perpetually slacking around. so many breaks but hardly spent constructively. not that i really wanted to. lit teachers have been changed which is pretty sad because no more teo and ho whom i really liked. and i'm supposed to finish up my international trade tutorial and prep for ariel which i figure i'll be doing today unless the meeting ends super late.

getting busier and more emotional these days. especially when i'm doing my QT and thinking about my walk with God. i realised how much more commitments i have this year and i loathe to think that because of that, my priorities have to be reshuffled and made straight. straighter at least.

went shopping for jap cds and found out that most don't have the taiwan version which is so much cheaper so now the original jap version is selling in singapore for a mere 70 odd bucks. luckily, L'arc~en~ciel 's "Smile" was 19.95 taiwan version so i bought that and had to be contented. as for the rest, there's always the net for dling stuff.

crap. going to be late. bad habit.

Happy New Year. Happy birthday to YY!

great start to the new year as i look at the homework i've messily done (or yet undone), looking for the maroon vj tie and math worksheets that i know is important but did not file anyway, and looking at the reminders of vj as school, my very own version of hell, as it opens on monday.

never mind that i'm going to be a year 2. i still feel semi lost in the school of more science than arts people. not discriminating here. and a vague notion that the majority of the people are smarter than me. so excuse the lost look if i have it come monday. the uniform helps because no one will mistake my bewildered expression and think i'm a year 1 student.

back to 55 bus trips, tutorials and lectures as the A levels beckons or as i like to think of it, rears its extremely ugly head. kick ass because i'm going to make like a year 1 and take it easy first 3 months before i really get my studying into gear.

L'arc en' Ciel is fantastic jap music. go listen to it for those who need mind-throbbing relief. i'm going to get me their CDs when i actually do go out and have the dough for it. La cryma christi's pretty good too. lyrics may be kind of dark but the guitar chords and intricate melodies are great. good stuff.